Oddly enough, these things are connected. Well, they are for me in my little world.
I’ve been reading more into adrenal fatigue, and how the interconnections of our hormones are the most critical part of our health. From losing weight, to dealing with stress, to any kind of serious disease you can think of. It’s complicated. I’m at the beginning of understanding where I don’t have the words to barely explain any of it. And as Sarah from The Paleo Mom said, no one fully gets it – it’s that intricate. I mentioned it a little bit in a previous post where I was pretty keen on the talk about it on The Paleo View. What stands out to me is that I can check off most of the symptoms for it. Fatigue, irritability/anger, horrible sleep problems, chronic feelings of stress, and more and more the inability to cope with daily problems.
And I called Brett (my son) Bobby (my dog).
If you’re interested, there’s a TON of info on the net about adrenal fatigue but I liked this site I just found with Dr. Lam. There are some nice free resources and tidy explanations of what the heck is going on. More of us have this going on than we realize. We live in a high-paced, over-stimulated culture where crappy food is the norm.
And understanding what’s wrong is the first part to getting better. Not all of my cravings for sugar are due to emotional eating (which I tend to get mad at myself for when I give in to them – a vicious cycle). My body is truly starving for energy because it’s exhausted.
Last weekend, I ate out three different times over the weekend and each time I ate potato. Once in a while I can get away with it, but not three days in a row where they were cooked in crap-oil. I had a horrid week. I had agitated dreams (one night it was downright scary), I woke up early every night anywhere between 2:30 and 5 am and couldn’t go back to sleep (an ongoing problem for the last 2 years, but not EVERY freakin’ night!), my arthritis flared up all over the place, and something was seriously OUT somewhere in my upper back where I could barely turn my head. I suffered from headaches. I was exhausted.
Emotional exhaustion follows the physical, and I was festering in a storm of old hurts. Old stories that I’ve told myself a million times that I’m worthless and keep screwing up. Because surely I was to blame for how I awful I was feeling.
I was a wreck on all levels.
I felt like complete and total crap.
I got out of bed Saturday morning, after being awake since 2:30 am, and feeling like the Hulk, thinking (and screaming) in my head, “Hulk, SMASH!” Luckily for my husband, he was still in bed because it would’ve been ugly if he were the nearest victim of my wrath.
Oh the freedom the Hulk has to just live out his rage every once in a while.
There was the pure and total rage. And tears. I felt utterly defeated and wrung out.
I don’t completely blame those innocent looking potatoes, but they were definitely a factor. I am discovering that I am more sick than I realize and I’m quite sensitive to foods off the beaten paleo path.
I had dragged myself to the market this past Saturday because what else was I going to do with all the baking I had done. Even I couldn’t eat all those cookies by myself. I hated being there, and it’s a miracle that I didn’t explode all over the place. I held it together and luckily no one made a comment about the price of my goodies (look at the bleepin’ ingredients, people!).
I’m painting the picture for you of my exhaustion and misery because of what came after I was done at the market. I went to the bank to make my deposit (God takes care of me in spite of my bad attitude and low energy) and there was a woman ahead of me having troubles with the ATM. She let me go ahead of her since she didn’t want to keep me waiting (thoughtfulness in public space with strangers – it could happen to you!). With me doing my banking, she started talking about how she needs more time to process things and to complete tasks because of her brain surgery she recently had. She told me how when she was born, they needed to do brain surgery on her and I don’t remember how many surgeries she said she’s had in her life. But surviving life is all about perspective and being flexible – we need to focus on the positive, to be thankful for what’s good. With her heart in her voice, she said that that is what makes or breaks us in this journey called life. It’s incredible the power her words had over me in such a small amount of time, but she went on to say that it’s OK to make mistakes, only God is perfect.
God was doing more than just taking care of my physical needs with that deposit. He met me at an ATM with a message I needed to hear.
Even in the midst of pure physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion I still had a choice about what to focus on. As you may have guessed that prior to that little meeting with that sweet woman, I was more preoccupied with the negative. No matter the challenges I felt, I could choose to stay in my rage and darkness and fears. Or I could choose to turn my face to the Light, God’s Truth.
I’ve learned this lesson again and again. And I’ll need to learn it again in the future because it’s hard. No matter the depth depression or anxiety or despair or hopelessness takes me, and no matter if I’m in that dark place due to my unhealthy thinking patterns or a real physical problem, I have a choice to make.
So I started a mental gratitude list on my way out the door of that bank, beginning with giving thanks for God’s lovely timing and for how He always catches me.
And I’m thankful for the amount of information we have access to, and that I can continue to search for and feel motivated by answers that might help me with my health problems. Because in case you missed it, I have experienced incredible changes with my diet (yes I can say that even in light of my crappy week I just told you about). If you have any health troubles, I beg you to start with changing what you eat. It’s truly the beginning of change.
And then who knows where it will lead you? Maybe to a meeting with God at the bank.